When I think about my world as of lately… it’s been a confusing road. Lots of emotions, lots of things toying with my mind, lots of thoughts… lots of everything. Like, what now? It’s coming down to… It leaves me lost. Every time I think I’m leading a path of my own, I end up “just like everyone else” and that is not what I want at all. Or, at least that’s my viewing of it. Everyone should know by now that I have a viewing that is definitely not always right… but it gets me somewhere.

Everything Dan and I have done at least has been remarkably different than others (our age). We’ve made it through several events in Kentucky (old lives, moved on from horrible x’s/pasts, no credit/destroyed credit, etc) to moving 8 hours away from somewhere we had lived our entire life… to start over somewhere new. Got new jobs when it fell into place, got engaged, met some amazing people in November, started our business and we soon will have a wedding in Oct. Since all of that fell into place with one “move”… where in the fuck is the chess board to check mate when I need it most now? Seriously.

What move is next to make more things fall into place?

Today I have spent many hours heavily thinking about Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” and thinking about Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.” The lyrics really speak to me considering how many times I’ve been stuck in this position only to make one move and everything falls into place again. I need to do something my way. I need to continue doing things my way and “our way” with Dan and I. This needs to be ours.

We need to “own” the game of life and beat it at chess.

We need to make something of ourselves and prove to everyone around us (not only just us) that we are doing well and have something to wake up to every day. The last few weeks I have been looking through the opposite side of the binoculars that you are supposed to look through… the future so far away, yet so close. I’m sure it’s at our fingertips…

So………What’s next?

I can’t seem to figure it all out about what I’m supposed to do with my life. Or, begin to figure out this step forward from the point I’m in now. I’m stuck in a rut again and I don’t like it because things have become too routine. Things need to change again. I’ve been stuck in this ‘I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life’ outlook every year… and every year I think I’m getting closer to knowing, there’s a longer space before figuring it out again. What? Yeah. I don’t  know either.

It’s absolutely unbelievable that it will be one year in Cary, NC for us March 16th, as well as 3 years for us on March 10th! We have made it a year. How many people can just pick up and move somewhere many hours away from what you would call home for your entire life. Not many, especially at our age. With another month and few days to go: we really have made it.

Keyword: We have made it in the past, now we need to make it in the future. We have a business to build into an empire one day. We have lots to see, lots to do and lots of life left to live. Just….

What’s next? I’m glad I just can’t pull out my crystal ball and look into it and tell us. It’s for us to figure out ourselves, it’s only the stepping stones to making us stronger. Just what will be sudden urge to cry battle for us? To put on our armor and go out and fight with motivation to move on. What’s next?

If anyone has any suggestions just comment on here or leave me a note somewhere.

Here’s to hoping I have an insight sometime soon…

I realize I haven’t been hanging out at the ‘make a blog post’ port right now…To those who actually like reading what I have to say, sorry about that. Getting caught up in the daily life… that is…whatever is my life. New job at work, caught in the middle of having to have certain timeslots closed to watch evening shows (Secret Life, American Idol, Shark Tank, Project Runway), doing house work… and just generally not wanting to do anything after getting home from driving 2 hours a day. Plus, spending time with my other half is equally important than anything else.

Our online business opened up a week ago. We’re still working on the site, making changes and such.If you haven’t gone to it yet, it’s www.poeticexpressionsphotography.com

I was given a new job this past week from boss. I now get to handle majority of contact to do with all of the ADs he puts in papers/magazines. This is exciting because I get to learn the whole process of putting ADs in papers. The timing, looking for corrections, suggesting, etc…. not to mention the meetings.

Now, BF and I are watching Arrested Development on DVD. Started it last night, it’s reeeeally good. But… so much wrong with their actions, but hey, guess it makes for good TV even though I want to punch all of them.

When I change my name after I get married, I’m going to make one o”Maeby” an additional middle name… that way I can keep my first name but people can officially start calling me Maeby. (Maeby is a name of a character in Arrested Development.)

Or – whatever new name I come up with between here and there.

I haven’t figured out who I am yet. Sadly.