Ever since Matt died, writing in this blog or writing anything other than a few statuses here or there or a too many on Twitter, it’s been itchy. How so? I’ve been thinking on how I should write this next entry, or better yet, what to write in it… So, here I go. I have a lot to say about everything.

It’s completely amazing how people come together after such a horrible, tragic event such as a death. And, it IS sad that that’s what it takes to bring long-time friends, who haven’t spoken or aren’t close anymore, to that complete circle of being close again.

Every time I look at Facebook, one/two/three+ people have posted such sweet messages on Matt’s wall and it makes me tear up every time. Memories or funny moments or today’s living life and them not meeting his approval or ‘not go down without a fight’.

I still wish I could’ve been there for everyone at his funeral. But, I’m thankful to see so many people write on his wall, come together as family and start pages in memory of and such. You guys give me hope. He was well-loved and unforgettable, that’s for sure.

Unfortunately, I’ve been to so many funerals and had so many family members to die, that death is literally numb to me… and I feel closer to the dead than the living — some days.

But, the death of someone so young and from my very own class has had me thinking about my life as a whole. One of these days I’ll post something of that nature, but I cannot right now.

-

INFO ABOUT MY POETRY BOOK: 

At last…. I am about ready to publish my first poetry-photography book. I DON’T know the title (and if you could suggest some to me, even tho you don’t know what I’ve written about, I’d be grateful) and I DON’T know the price (what’s a good price for a poetry book that contains high quality photos?)..

I think it’s going to be at least 50+ pages long. Mostly – there’s a photo on the left and a full paged poem, there are some (very few) landscape photos that contain a 10-sentence poem and are completed with another photo and 10-sentence poem on the other side. There will be a few more ways of crossing photo with poetry.

Now, this book contains mostly stuff I have written in the last month of starting this. There are a FEW poems that were written in my past and you will know by date which ones those are.

I have a few more days of working on it then I’m going to be ready to publish. I know I’ve been talking about this forever and it just keeps lagging on and on sometimes… but poetry is a piece of art that needs to be taken sweetly by the heart and full trusting mind, cannot just ‘rush’ those kind of things if you want to create something special.

This will be an eBook for now – so you can download for any of them (I think) via Amazon. I will definitely let everyone know when it is done and up for buying. This book will definitely be worth it, I promise. I’ve worked extremely hard on it.

What’s it about? My life – taken as a stem – and each poem/photo is a branch and leaf off of my life. I write with soul. From the soul. Life lessons is chalked up in this, as well as emotions that are still dabbling and dangling from my heart… along with a lot of voices from the sea.

See, toldja. You won’t want to miss downloading it!

-

Why am I not writing on my Pitchmen Enthusiast blog? 

Sorry. I had this bright idea to make it all big and wonderful and then… I got distracted and moved on to something else for now (my book). I really need to catch up with all of the news. Sully said something the other day that they’re soon going to have a website where you can send in your ideas easier. So. I will probably start back up when I see that link come about.

-

My mind will not stop with the blabbery-blabbering. When I have discussed one idea, another one comes up and then another and then another and BOOM – explosion! I came up with a solution: maybe I’m either crazy or genius or maybe I was really born to write and keep people entertained. Either way.

So, I have a script idea. It came to me in Starbucks the other day. Let’s see if I can get this finished in a reasonable time and sent out to companies, instead of just sitting in my computer for no eyes…I know, it’s a long shot… but, while I’m still down here on Earth let me pretend I’m on air and in the cloudy world of dreams. While I’m on reality, my dreams might just come true… if I work hard enough. Yes.

I need to start back journaling / doodling once again. I’m sure a lot of crazy things will come to me from those random thoughts.

Today, with my rambling (and I swear to everything, I have not had anything to eat/drink out of the ordinary) but I felt like Charlie Sheen. And, I used #winning a little too much.

Anyway, I’ve talked enough. My left wrist is so stabby… I need to find my wrist brace but I don’t know where it’s at. :( Nighty!

This morning wasn’t a good morning. I woke up to see everyone on Facebook commenting on their own or Matt’s Facebook, saying they’ll miss him and RIP and — I’m like what…is..going on? Someone let me know a few minutes later. And, damn.

Matt’s gone. :’( 

Since having moved from Kentucky in 2009 to North Carolina and then Florida, I haven’t really kept up with friends or the happenings back home, other than on FB. So, like the rest, I had pretty much fallen out of touch with Matt…other than a few comments here and there on Facebook.

For those who don’t know, I went to school with him and graduated with him in 2004. He was such a great friend. He would help anyone when they needed it, and he could always make me (us) laugh.

Most of my memories of Matt point back to junior and senior year, Bye-Bye Birdie and Real Inspector Hound (the days of drama after school). He worked his tail off helping Hallie with whatever needed to be done for the plays/musical. I remember how much we’d all laugh when we were together, especially the cast party at Atomic Cafe and any other outing we had. I just remember our group of people = non-stop laughing.

I also remember that he was the only other senior (besides me) that would be at school on senior skip day or days that seniors weren’t supposed to be at school (testing). We both had a passion for helping others, especially our teachers, and loved the students of all grades. When senior awards night came around, we both won the WJHS service award of 2004.

I was so happy after I learned that Matt was running for state house last election. Even though I couldn’t be there to vote for him in person, I made sure people knew to vote for him. He would have been so good if he had won. Honesty is the key – he would’ve followed through – if, only.

And even lately, the wall posts & texts between Heather and Matt were hilarious. If I was in a bad mood or sad, and I had seen it, their conversations brightened my day a little more.

My Facebook status feed is covered with memories, looking back or RIP Matt. Comments galore, just the way it should be. It’s just been a sad day, it’s always sad when you lose your (young) friends like this…

Here are a few photos that I have of Matt. I looked through my photo files, I don’t have any more saved for some reason.

This was at Momma’s (Lois M) honorable cookout to celebrate her retirement. Matt was cooking! This was ALSO the spot where the ground was broken for the beautiful auditorium.

The night of the Inspector Hound cast party.

And, this was out of a collection of game photos that I was given… Nancy & Matt.

And, to conclude this entry, I have written a poem connected with a photo that I took for looking-to inspiration. This poem and photo will be in a book that I will soon be publishing — PLEASE do not take this photo/poem without my permission, please ask me if you want this for any reason and please give me credit. This is my gift to the friends & family of  Matt since I cannot be there for any of you/him in person.

This one is for you Matt.

My ocean arms a’cast, wide open, all over the world
waiting to hug you, to comfort you, to love you…
in a mysterious way that you couldn’t, yourself.

Listen to my rhythm and the story I am telling,
listen to the clouds, listen to the beautiful day – it smiles.
Throw your soul into me, I will welcome you.

Listen at the wind blowing,
the sun gleaming and glittering bouncing off me;
happy to have you here, standing here, but why are you here? 

You say, ‘I am troubled’ -
but why, no one knows, no one really truly knows…
And, I comfort you saying, ‘throw yourself into me, I will try to save you!’

Do you hear my waves pushing back and fourth? The question.
Do you see my waves hitting the beach? The answer.
Further and further upon the sand, come closer, I’ll hold your hand.

Beautiful angel, spread your wings and fly
you are safe now, harbor into me
let go, let go, let go… fly.

Join me, join me on the coast
join me, join me in the water
join me, join me and you will no longer be in pain.

Spread your wings, beautiful angel
close your eyes, breathe in and out, don’t worry what happens
come home, come home to me…

This day, today, it takes my breath away, as it does yours
I’m shocked, so are they
and it makes me sad, they’re sad…knowing you are gone.

Memories flash in my mind, and theirs
every time I close my eyes, their mind.
All we’ve got of you are the memories etched inside our minds, hearts.

I’m tying your life down at the harbor,
memories thrown to the bottom of the sea with an anchor
Come in, let go, I welcome you with open arms…

Ocean tide, ocean tide.
Roll on in, roll in… hear ‘em calling…
You’re on my side, you’re on my side.