Today we got up super early, went to the store, then to Oldsmar to pick up my work computer, then back to the shop, then I went back home to type up more invoices, to SBT to pick up some stuff, to boss’ house to pack stuff (although I only got to find things and not pack because we were out of boxes) so then, from there, I came home and went to Freedom Lake Park down the street. (Just typing this hours later, I’m le pooped.)

Before I tell my squirrel story – just want to say that the houses in Safety Harbor and Bellair Bluffs = the most gorgeous homes I’ve ever seen. I came home via the Indian Rocks Rd and it was just GORGEOUS! I’ve just never seen anything like it. These two adventures out of our town and the towns we know, just made me really think how thankful I am to be in Florida. It’s just so beautiful here.

NOW, STORY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D 

I’ve only been to the Freedom Lake Park a few times since we moved here. I decided it was one of those days where I wanted to take pictures and take a walk. So, with my camera, I head to a patch of land under some trees where the squirrels were playing. I got into position to take photos of them playing around and chasing one another… until they decided to use me as the target.

I always call myself an animal tamer, because it *IS* one of my hidden talents. Fo’real. Seriously. I can tame pretty much any animal except those damn lizards. They’re too fast for my grubby mitts!

Anyway, back to the story.

WAIT!

Before I go on, do any of you remember hearing The Mississippi Squirrel Revival song? If you don’t PLEASE read this before moving on.

NOW, back to the story.

Suddenly, the squirrel decides he would run closer to me. And, closer. Closer. (I got some really great photos of this!) Then, pigeons started coming closer, a couple ducks…and mooooore squirrels. Every single angle around me was covered by an animal!

Next thing I know, the squirrel isn’t JUST close to me – HE WAS ON ME. That squirrel CRAWLED UP MY LEG!

I have zero proof of this. (Yes, I know. Pictures or it didn’t happen.) But I swear on ALL of Jimmy Buffett albums that this happened.

The first thing that came to mind was, “HOLYSHIT! I don’t have health insurance. I really hope he doesn’t come any further up. Please make him stop. Oh god, what if he has rabies?! WHAT IF HE BITES ME?!”

The second thing I thought was, “BAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAH! OH MY GOD. This is the funniest shit ever. I can’t believe this is happening. Is THIS real?! This is the most craziest thing that has ever happened to me in a LONG time.”

And no, I didn’t scream. And no, I don’t think anyone saw it.

I looked at the squirrel and said, “Sir, I do not believe you belong on my leg.”

He stopped, looked at me and turned back around and goes back down my leg…and he left to go find some nuts to play with.

I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I really wish I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t get rabies from them because I would have loved to have pet him. Overall, I’m really glad I had tennis shoes on and thick long jeans. … but it was definitely the funniest thing, ever. I’m still laughing about it. This will definitely be a moment to remember, always. Those silly squirrels.

Pictures of the squirrels below:

You have just woken up in the backseat of a car and you look up to see palm trees through the back glass. The sun is setting and you realize you are far from home…

-

Restless and antsy, ready to leave home
I closed my eyes and rested.
Curling up in the backseat,
after writing pages after pages in my
diary – sharing my thoughts of travel -
and  how I couldn’t wait for arrival.

Nothing I wrote could prepare me
for the beauty of which would
appear before me, the inspiration
which would crawl in my soul
and stay there – forever. It was truly
one of the best feelings in the world.

I was exhausted from the same ole
same ole that happened back home.
Nothing to look forward to,
no new scenes, no new news
everything – just a repeat of my every day
every single day. Boooorrrring.

Imagine my surprise when a bump
in the road woke me up from my slumber.
I opened my eyes and looked
up at the backseat window right above me,
the sun setting and a pile of
palm trees in a straight line.

Magical as that moment was,
it was time to get out of the car.
We have reached our destination -
man, we had traveled very far.
Throwing all road maps aside
we here to enjoy this vacation.

Far from home,
but it didn’t feel like that….
It felt like something better,
it felt like I actually belonged.
A place that captured my heart
and I wanted to make it mine.

Journaling and writing,
writing and journaling -
people watching, day dreaming
beach hopping, lots and lots of shopping
palm trees, seafood, the sun
everything; it was all mine all mine.

A moment in time
this was only a vacation -
a promise made, on a certain day,
that I would make it back
and when I made it back,
it would be my home. It really felt like home.

—-

True story. When I lived in Kentucky, my parents and I went to Clearwater Beach, FL back in 2001 (I think that’s the year?) and I would sit outside the hotel and day dream about living in paradise. I wrote stories upon stories outside the hotel – it was facing a boat dock with tons of boats and the ocean. (I’m actually still trying to figure out what hotel this was..) I even wrote somewhere in my journal that it was going to be my home one day.

Guess what?

My husband and I live in paradise right now. We’re about 20 minutes away from Clearwater.

And so, when my husband and I leave Fl for Christmas or vacation, we’re always so ready to “come home”. Every time I go over the Tampa bridge, it just takes my breath away to know that I am living somewhere that I can really call home…. as I never called KY my home, ever, because I knew I didn’t belong there.

This week and last has certainly proved it even more. We’ve been going to random antique and thrift stores looking for furniture for our offices at work (and cheap, cool decorations for me).

I wish I took a picture of some items I found today in ‘Anything Goes unique stuff’ on Seminole Blvd. I found some supercool wooden signs – one would be “parrothead blvd” or something like that. I found several fish statues, other sea animals, lots of skulls and my one of my weird favorite things, the $1 voodoo dolls.

I also saw the most awesome thing, ever. A skeleton – that stood about 5 feet tall. I could imagine dressing him with a wig and maybe a coat, he’d be my coat holder! Or something! I shall name him Stanley. If we had the extra money (and the extra room), I would have bought it… although I did not see how much he cost. Anyway, if he’s meant to be mine… he’ll be there when I can come and get him.

Another cool place I went to earlier this week was Paper Street Market – a very, very unique vintage antique place. Had tons of old desks for $200+ and decorations for much more than what I’d pay (right now). They even had a coffee table made out of a Mercedes Benz trunk! THAT was unique/awesome/every thing.

Gas Plant Antiques was the store we went to about two weeks ago. I found the pirate lady statue that you find all over this town, there’s many many old tables/desks, a George Washington picture, beautiful green pieces of furniture, a sail boat ship, a large fish statue and so many other things. I actually did take some pictures a while back of that… have a look:

So yeah. This is Florida, and yes, there are so many antique places in this area and I’ve yet to see all of them! I’m definitely finding “my” places to go to…even if it’s just to look and dream about having a million things I’ll never have in my lifetime.

I’ve been trying to find an old desk (Victorian, old with age, simple but enough room on it and drawers) for my work office and I just don’t think I’m ever going to find it. I think, unfortunately, I’m going to have to settle for some stupid modern standard desk. (Blah) Hopefully I’ll be able to paint it or draw something on it or cover it up depending on the material.

I’ve been also trying to find a bookshelf – and I found the most gorgeous one at Gas Plant. Have you guys ever seen the boat shaped shelving? The one I saw just sat too close to the ground. I need a taller bookshelf…but it would’ve been perfect if I had another table to sit it on. Oh and I wanted a large fish to put on the wall, too, but I have yet to find that. One that is real and 3D like and doesn’t look of tin. Bah. I guess I’m just going to have to go fishing one day and have it made into a plaque myself! Ha!

I went to Salvation Army and Second Image and found a few items that for decorations and that I needed for my desk. I guess I’m just going to have to wait to buy more things later… At least I have *some* things. Why is it so hard finding anything fish or ocean related in an area with SO MUCH FISH AND OCEAN RELATED ITEMS?! Really.

Anyway, I’m sure if I look around in my house I can find a little bit more things that I didn’t think I have.

Only thing left now is to start gathering all of this stuff up and take it to the work building, but with all the construction dust/dirt, I’ve delayed that a little. I still need to find some pictures of mine to print out for the walls.

Other than that, I just await for the money to start rolling in because on my list of things to trade something I own for: the skeleton, a desk made out of boat, a shadow box with sailor knots and old fishing lure, a large ship (well, if we HAD a fireplace mantel) and soooo many other things. But alas, snap back to reality and no more dreaming about things I can’t have because it’s terribly unruly of me.

In 2009, right around the Pitchmen time I started listening to them. I would drive to work, which was about 40 minutes away, I’d listen to Bob & The Showgram – local North Carolina radio – and then listen to MJ Morning Show podcasts when I got to work.

They made me laugh so much. I much appreciated the days where I would tune in (because I knew ahead of time) that they were either going to talk about Pitchmen and Billy Mays Jr or B3 or Sully were going to be on there. Those were the majority of my memories with the show, just because I was happy to hear them talk about my favorite people and favorite show!

The most memorable show for me would have been the 5am show on a Friday morning in November ’09. Since I have already written about it – you can CLICK HERE to go read it and then come back to this page.

The MJ Morning Show crew always put a smile on my face. They were awesome people and I’m saddened by the fact that I never got to meet them in person to get an autographed picture or anything. They were indeed one of the “positive reasons” to move to Florida.

I also had a dream a while ago that I got a chance to be one of their interns. That was pretty awesome, even though it was only a dream.

But – the MJ Morning Show has been on for a long while and had many, many great years and years of memories.

I wish everyone from the crew the best of luck there with whatever they end up doing.

I’ve downloaded the last podcast and will be listening to it shortly.

-

two kinds – by karen maeby bates

there are two kinds of people
in this world -

the kind that live in the future and can feel the past
by the ignition of every waking move
and
the kind who grew up in the past but lives in the future
that never thinks of the past again.

the kind that sees in black and white
and the kind that sees in color -

the kind that switches to the technology of today
and some, that wants to hang on to yesterdays.

the kind that likes new cars
and the kind the prefers older ones.

not to mention
there’s two kinds of people -

the kind who likes writing with pen
and the kind who likes typing on the computer.

i am one of these
but i am also both of these.

one runs my life
while one sits in idle, sort of.
creativity
and the other side.

i walk in color
towards that lighted tunnel
at the end of the road
only to be thrown
back to the past
while living in the future.

enchanted, disengaged
is the present.

i am here
but i am also there -

waiting, in the present.

HEROES – by Karen Maeby Bates

older in age, wiser in the mind.
stories to share, that’s the kind -

of hero.

leaves a legacy behind
of not possessions, but
a lot of changed lives.

worked hard for the living,
but had the soul and compassion
for living life
and enjoying his days.

knew of just the right advice to give
at the right time. the clock ticks away
and he feels it but he just doesn’t care
as long as you don’t care, either.

they supply to your daily life:

laughter; the sunlight of your day.

advice; when you no longer can stand your own.

words; stories, letters, poetry or by voice.

inspiration; they give to you for what they do.

creation; their work is the ultimate best.

human; they may make mistakes, but they are still amazing.

life; they’ve lived it.

love; they have such an aura about them…

heroes -

they give you the extra push
to get to where you need to be
in this life.

and yet,

they never may never know
that you call them
your hero.

-

my heroes:

• living heroes: jimmy buffett, betty white, kat von d, betsey johnson, simon cowell, roseanne barr, jerry springer, gordon ramsay, lady gaga, SulProd + dr industry buddies and, of course, my husband.
• heroes who have passed on: billy mays jr, rue mcclanahan, bea arthur, estelle getty, grandma applegate, sherrie lince, elaine hunt, george washington, abraham lincoln.

-

The heroes that I have listed have all somehow impacted my life. A few close friends who changed my life for the better, a few TV characters / stars who have put daily light in my life and made me laugh at the worst of days… My grandma who was THE lady of her years, she OWNED being a woman and rising above what most women did back in the 1950s-70s. Not to mention, historical figures from way back then that changed history.

The living heroes of today are extremely hard working and they give me inspiration. Their lives are never the same, they are extremely talented in what they do and very, very successful. They OWN it.

PLEASE remember to “LIKE” my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Life-as-a-Pirate-Hooker/212649185443225 if you read/like my poetry! Thank you :)

valentine’s day. by karen maeby bates (copyrighted)

glitter. scissors. paper. glue.
paper hearts; lots of i love yous.

valentine’s day!

it’s time to put on your happy face!

let’s place our plastic masks
yes, that’ll do -
the fake smiles,
you know those flowers won’t last.

a day of expectancy,
you’re supposed to do this, that, the other
try to impress
whose got the best gift?

compare stories, gossip.
the day just begs to be fed,
but most get too distracted to realize
they shouldn’t feed into that fake garbage.

drink. drink. drink the night away
dinner for two,
valentine’s for all
what else, after all is done, will do?

the day after
we will then have to clean up after you.

folded paper heart
floating in the wind
falls to the ground
as another statistic

a number will break up before valentine’s day
a number will be engaged this day
but after the holiday,
what happens?

love. love. love.
you’re supposed to love all the time.
every day. not just this day.
love unconditionally and all the time, every day.

THE COLD WEATHER EMERGED AND ATTACKED HER!

She fell to the floor pleaded for warmth — but it was a no-go — warm was not going to seize the day. She was only going to sneeze through the day. 

That GIRL was meeeeee.

That’s right.

Dan and I walked outside at 830 this morning to head to our boss’ house and we were hit with the coldest of all cold mornings here in Florida. What the hell, right? We MOVED HERE for warm, not cold, but warm! And, what’s so funny is that we are both from Kentucky and spent more than 95% of our living years not having hardly any warm for summer, let alone, non-freezing temps in the winter!

It was cold outside. It was cold in the house. It was cold at work. It was uber cold outside of boss’ house because we’re nearer the water. It was still a wee cold after we were done with short hours of work. Brrrrrrrrr. Shiver. Me. Timbers.

Around noon or so, before eating, I cursed at the sun to take his jacket off. I could see him wearing this superficial detective jacket that had the hood all the way up around his neck and buttoned up the front, therefore, keeping allllllllllllllllll of the warm in there for himself!

He finally unbuttoned a few buttons because it got a little warmer through the day but not by much. I’m going to end up buying some of those gloves that go around your hands and leave your fingers free to type. Anyone know where I can get those?

-

In other news, I am happy to see Dan participating in my sea-like feelings. (If you don’t already know, I can tell what day it was going to be by the look and feel of the ocean.) So, as we drove past a patch of open ocean, he asked me what the water said about today. I told him it was going to be very ripply, calm but ripply by a lot.

Yeah, I was right. A lot did happen and a few things did happen to cause those ripply water effects too.

-

We also went to look at furniture for our work building today. No go. Again. I’m done. I looked at several places online and I found a huge amount of good places but not what we were looking for…. Not to mention, we went to this one very very creepy place today. Oh my gosh. It was creepy! I won’t say the name on here but it was just creepy. Didn’t know if we were going to walk out alive or not – one of those places with those kinds of vibes. Oh and TOTALLY not as advertised either! Not. By a loooooong shot.

If I weren’t so afraid of them finding me and hunting me down, I would warn you of this place. But, since I’ve been watching way too many crime shows like Investigation Discovery…. yeah. Stabby.

Abandoned,
but it hasn’t been for long..
Remember when we used to sit
on the rooftop writing songs?
Has it been that long?
Has it really been that long?

Now the time has left us
as does this house
many years have passed
we don’t talk, time has moved on
time has moved us on…

Memories, living close by the ocean
the tides soon coming in,
remember when we used to go walking in the evening?
Remember then? Do you remember when?

 That little beach house
seemed many moons away,
no ones living there in present-day.
I went up on the rooftop one last time,
said hello to the moon and stars
and gave the sky a quick kiss goodbye
I’m leaving town,
I’m leaving town.

 Abandoned,
but it hasn’t been for long..
Remember when we used to sit
on the rooftop writing songs?
Has it been that long?
Has it really been that long?

In other words, today was spent cleaning our office. I do agree that I am 0% housewife-y material, meaning: I don’t clean the house weekly, I don’t clean up a lot, dishes are done about once a week, trash piles up until we have 3 or so bags. (We’re not “dirty” people, it’s pretty clean, it’s just really messy.) So, the office was way overdue of being clean. I moved a few things around, had a lot of things to throw away and got some stuff together to take to the work office Monday. I continued the cleaning into part of the living room. I do actually have way too much stuff and I’m trying to get better organized and figure out where everything needs to go…

The best news so far, I think, is that we are FINALLY moving in to our work building come Monday morning at 9am. We have been waiting months for this moment. Although, we may not have any furniture… at least we’re getting closer to it all working out and moving in. Thank. Goodness.

Also, I guess if you’re clueless about us having a work space, I had my blog down and didn’t update you guys so… we ended up getting a building a few weeks ago. It’s actually down the street from our apartment! The building came more equipped and fit better than the rest of the buildings put together give/take the construction. We needed a shower, we have it. We needed x amount of space, we have it. We have the perfect office space, a good space for retail/showroom, a kitchen area, a shower like we needed, a large quantity of bathrooms and enough space to do more than what we wanted. That’s pretty exciting.

I’m trying to wind down my night by watching one of my concert DVDs of Jimmy Buffett. I just can’t get enough of his music, all the lyrics just hit so much at home… still searching for that very day where we live on the beach. I need the sun to cook my skin and some sand between my toes… and some musical tunes to write about the atmosphere. And, maybe some seafood to eat, and hell, while you’re at it… just add a bunch of beach hobos and strange people to strike conversations with. Yes.

While it’s like 15 degrees in Kentucky, where we were born and used to live many moons ago, we’re complaining because it’s 50 degrees here in Florida. Jesus. We went out tonight and wore flip flops and my toes were absolutely frozen from a one second hop from the door to apartment to car. Brrrrrrr. I could see our palm trees shriveling up and icicles were hanging off them! In other words, my toes are still cold and my nose… it’s blue, I can’t feel it. Brrrrrrrrr. :)

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