It’s been ages since I’ve written and that’s probably what my issue is. If I don’t write my feelings down when I need to, my brain becomes too full and I get to feeling a little crazy. I’ve boxed myself up yet once again — I’m sitting pretty close to falling deep into a depression, it’s such a shame… after a mind-blowing summer of nothing but excitement, new things, love, friends and finding where I belong. There are so many things that contribute to that, mostly when the major staples in my life stay the same for so long, and never change, or I’m disappointed by something that means a whole lot to me. I keep forgetting about that whole ‘expect nothing, no disappointments’ comment that I was once taught.
I am old enough to know that not everything is going to be amazing all the time. I wouldn’t want it to be, but it’s just awful feeling this way….because it’s a whole other level of sad.
Whenever I get like this all of my projects are mentally put on hold. I do the simple things that I don’t have to think about, I don’t write because I don’t want to ruin it with my mood, but sometimes I pick up a brush to paint or do some sort of design. I haven’t put my energy into that…yet. I also pull away from everyone and stay at a distance because I’m often thinking “well, I’m not sure they really want me around” or “am I bothering them? — I probably am, so I’ll just stay away.” Being alone comes naturally since I’m an only child, and for a year and half I did nothing but work two jobs so seeing or speaking to no one for a long time isn’t anything new. I am trying to work on changing this because it’s incredibly crippling and makes everything in my life just that much harder…especially when there’s a thousand things I want to do, accomplish, and need to be social in order to really accomplish them.
A lot also has to do with the weather. Since hurricane Matthew, it’s been kind of crappy and the sun hadn’t shined as much as it should be in this sunshine state! The reason I even live in Florida is because of the sunshine. Anything else reminds me of my seasonal disorder — especially stormy skies when it doesn’t rain that look like snow clouds — that’s the worst.
By the way, I am safe. It did not hit in my area the west coast of Florida (fingers crossed that another won’t come by any time soon).
It’s my favorite season right now: pumpkin spice. There’s P/S everything everywhere at almost any given time. Last night I had the sweet taste of P/S coffee from WaWa. If I could write a poem about how delicious it was, you would not think it was about coffee. 😉
I love the anticipation of the rest of the year. You see mixtures of Christmas in with the Halloween decorations where, literally, a skeleton is holding a carved turkey in one hand and a wreath in another with a Christmas tree and presents decorated right behind him. I’m already getting yelled at by thousands of people who hear me say “I want to listen to CHRISTMAS MUSIC and put up my tree.” They find a box, try to coax me inside, so that they could duct tape it shut and send me somewhere else. I never can see where they’re sending me though?!
We’ve arrived at an event, and I step a few steps to the side because I know what’s coming next. Everyone is just so excited to see him so they huddle around trying to hug him or greet him with a handshake. The first few times I had seen this I watched from the back of the room–when that door opened and he walked in, the Seas of People would follow. Amazing. That’s the only word it is.
If only I could be one tenth as amazing as he is, I’d be something. He’s taught me more in the last few months than I’ve gained in a really long time. I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to keep to his words: if you’re going to do something, do it well the first time. Every day it is important to finish a task that’s needing to be done. Every day needs tea at night. Dishes that you use that day need to be cleaned. And he’s given me a gift of jazz that goes deeper than the music.
It’s such a relief that I know I don’t have to worry about anything with this beautiful soul. I admire him to the moon and back. There’s just so much to say, and it’s still been such a short period of time.
Some time in September, I helped with auditions at the Backdoor Theatre. That play will be produced in November.
We went to see B’s band play at my newest favorite place to go (Hideaway Cafe) and that was amazing!
We attended the film society meeting where they switched over to a new name — a new beginning — and it was amazing that my first meeting was that. It was a sign of a start of me getting involved in that too.
A few weekends back we were invited to be extras in a movie (something from the film society). I am now on IMDB. Small steps!
Our big boat show was back in September and it went really well. I reported “live” on Saturday to the World of Boating radio show.
IBEX was Tuesday last week and for me, for BoatShowGirl, it went pretty well. I’m thinking that this is my brand new start… just need to make a plan. Can’t do anything without one.
We had the Backdoor Theatre’s open house on Friday — which was always so great to be back and visiting with everyone. It’s like a family reunion.
Yesterday we went to see J star in The Red Velvet Cake Wars and it was good seeing her again too!
I feel like this isn’t everything but it’s something!
Oh. My hair is red again (faded past 3 weeks, but red). Yes, believe it or not, this is an event.
A while ago, I finished two plays but I’m “working on ideas” for a few more. I need to have at least two excellent ones to submit to Gulfport because it would be such an honor to see one of my plays produced on stage, especially a year after getting back into it after 12 years absence. Wish me luck for that!
I redid my entire living room so now I have working space again to be able to work off my computers and write. I’m trying to prepare for the yard sale that’s coming up in Gulfport in November.
BoatShowGirl – after a much needed break, and talking to some important folks at IBEX, I think I may know which route to go with this and hopefully it will get me somewhere.
I’m debating whether or not to do NaNoWriMo next month considering I already have little time as it is…The need to write 50,000 words would make me stop everything basically to be able to do it! (The only NaNo novel I finished in 2010 still sits on the computer untouched. And it’s a 3 part series I have no interest in working on at the moment.)
I’m working slOoOOoooOooowly on some of my new books that I want to finish and publish sooner rather than later. I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and concentrate but I am working on several of them.
Before I stopped taking photos the last year or so, I was a photo hoarder. I think I have over 20,000 photos and I have gone through so many lately I’m sure I’ve deleted 5,000 or more. It’s exhausting and takes a looooong time!
Well, I know for a fact that’s not everything but I need to wrap it up eventually! Until next time….