Oh boy. I don’t know where to even start but I guess starting at the beginning would be great, aye? This’ll be long so make sure you have tea/coffee to sip while reading!
With a lot (and believe me when I say A LOT) of consideration and talking with my boss after my Ft Myers-Miami vacation in February, I put in my “90 day notice” at T. While it will always be my dream company to work for, the position of which I worked was NOT the dream job (everyone knew this). Basically if you work at a dealership the marine industry is so cut & dry – you’re either in sales, service advisor, parts, warranty or upper management or an admin training to do one of those things. Some companies have a marketing department but we weren’t big enough to have that and that is what I wanted. I really loved working in the warranty but we already had someone, and even if it became available, it was only going to be a portion of the job–not full time–and the benefits from the previous person would never follow out-of-house ever again like I would have wanted to continue.
So hence my big decision. Every time I would go in and talk to my boss, I’d start crying, my heart was breaking even more than what it already had been. I knew that even the thought of leaving was sad, but it was just time to move on. Two years of doing the same exact thing every day was enough but almost 3 was just too much for someone that wants to do a whole lot more with their life (you should see my goals/dreams list – it’s now 1,000 pages long). What started this whole thing was having a really, really good performance review but it being said that they were aware of my abilities and talents and couldn’t satisfy them because a position like what I was wanting either didn’t exist or couldn’t there. I understood.
So on a Tuesday at the tech meeting I told the guys about my “90 day notice” and they were shocked because they knew how much I was Team T forever and ever until the day I die. (I still am!) We didn’t know how long it would take to hire someone, so 90 days felt safe for finding someone, training and giving me enough time to get my act together.
However, not shortly after, a girl had walked in with experience in the same things that I did in the admin role, so they hired her. By the end of the first month I was like, okay there’s just one computer and either I need to stop working (and feeling bad about that) or not let her do anything (and that just wasn’t right)… so I decided to leave two months early. I didn’t want to stay if I wasn’t able to earn my keep.
All four of my bosses were completely 100% behind/beside me and supported me wholeheartedly. Before I left I got to go on my first seatrial which was a lot of fun and super philosophical for me (yes there’s a poem, it’s on boatshowgirl.com). Also, they threw me one huge party.
I left on a Tuesday and came back on Friday for my lunch party. When I walked in, there were thousands of decorations hanging from the ceiling, on the walls, everything. It was amazing. They gave me two cards, a poster that said “good luck with your next adventure,” a crown that said “retired” (haha), and even bought a flag that said “it’s five o’clock somewhere”. They fixed shrimp tacos for me and we all ate together for the last time. (Eisenhower even joined in and he was sooooo full from the shrimp that he fell asleep propped up against his ship! ha!) With them doing all of this for me, it gives me even more fuel to not give up no matter how much I might fail. They believed in me enough to let me go. And, like a butterfly… if it was meant to be….back around it comes.
What’s a shocker to the very few that knew about this — I left without having a job or much of a back up. While that might scare people, it did me too, but please know it was for the best. The last few weeks of April I was unraveling at the seams. Holy cow was I ever. After going from doing everything I was doing at the end of last year until April, I was just so overwhelmed I needed one hell of a break… and that, I did get. There were weeks I didn’t get out of bed. I slept up to 20 hours some days. I didn’t talk to anyone really. I wasn’t working, I wasn’t doing the theatre or film at that time, and no other activities other than reading 1-2 books a day. Actually, I did get started on some of the scenes out of a book I’m writing about T, but that was about it. I even “quit” BoatShowGirl for the time being. Yep. My heart and my brain was just so broken by that point. There were so many clouds in my sky that I couldn’t see right in front of my face anymore. My ideas weren’t ideas any more. Nothing would compute. It was not good at all.
Then………weeks later, I went to the Gulfport boat races and reported live to my radio show. I felt sort of alive again being by the water and seeing the boats. It’s a thing I can get behind – boat races – it was awesome. The next day I went and saw Foolish Fish Girls at the theatre and saw everyone I loved and cared about. I started missing everyone so badly.
The end of April to middle of May, I kept applying to full time jobs. Why? Why in the world would I do that? I don’t know. I went on a few interviews and they didn’t work out. I wanted to strangle myself because I left my dream company to do my own thing.. not to go work for someone else (unless it was freelance/contract)! SO. Ever since having realized that the reason nothing like that was working out is because this is my time to make my future and it is not by coping out and having a cheat job. It’s working my ass off to get everything I ever wanted in this life. When I truly realized that, things started to center out with me again, and I’ve been able to smile and be happy.
After taking that good ole awful couple of weeks worth of a break, I can finally breathe again. I can finally think creatively again. I just feel so free. I can’t explain it. I have ideas. I feel like I have a creative future, unlike what I was feeling before.
One night I was turning in for sleep and a large storm of termites (yay Florida!) started taking over my apartment. It was awful. I ended up running to the store at 10pm at night, getting bug spray and a new metal bed frame. I stayed up for 30 hours straight moving and going through everything in my front room just so I could move everything from my bedroom into my front room. I threw my wooden bed frame out the next day, set up my metal one in the front room and completely crashed.
My neighbors and I had a yardsale this past weekend and just by having a lot of $1 items I made money, more than I’ve ever made at any of the previous yardsales. I’m going to be doing another one in a few weeks. Right now I’m just getting rid of a lot of things I no longer want that’s mine, and it’s helping clear the apartment of so much clutter. I believe that letting go of a lot of things (like items no longer used or wanted) is a part of my life lessons for this 30th year of mine. It’s working well thus far. My apartment is almost back to normal and I FINALLY HAVE A DESK AREA AGAIN. I haven’t had that for a few months now, so I haven’t been able to use my desktop computers which has been annoying! But alas, there’s a lot of room in here and much needed junk is going bye-bye! First step: become less of a past hoarder. I guess? Lol.
Work status: I’ve been getting about 3 emails or calls a day pertaining to my ads about work, so I’m super excited, this is a great start. I will be popping up a lot more places but for now I’m keeping things under wraps. I don’t want to take on too much right at first or talk about many of my ideas/goals because I need to figure out time and prioritizing, but so far… I’m really liking the freedom. Once I’m ready, I’m going to start posting all of the things I’m doing. In fact, if you keep tabs on my websites you’ll probably start to see some stuff pop up. I already have 1 perm job that I started this week, and doing some other work for both myself and others making amounts here and there.
In another sense, it was frightening to scramble money together to be able to pay this month’s rent, but it’s something I needed to learn… in order to work harder, smarter, better to make more money than ever so I’ll never have to go through that again. It’s going to be rough for a little bit, but I’m getting it together, and it’ll get easier.
Here’s what I need you guys to do for me: if you live in this area, spread the word that you know someone that wants to do freelance/contract marketing/ graphics/ small office work/ stuff like that. I can do online selling via etsy, eBay and those places. I know how to do a lot of things. My resume is at karenmaeby.com/work Or you can just keep an eye out for stuff like this and let me know if you see anything. I like tiny projects, but I also like ones that’ll keep a stream of income month after month…
As far as everything else… I’m so, so, so, so, so happy I’m back at the theatre helping out with the Summer One Acts. Auditions was actually my 1 year anniversary! I attended movie night with the film society last month and really enjoyed that. For those that I have seen, it’s so good to see everyone again. I’m just counting on a lot of things working out for me with a lot of hard work, and hopefully, another butterfly (not the one mentioned above nor one that has to do with work) will come back around this time again but in a better, different, more permanent way. My heart and soul feels it as my chakras are being cleaned…but it’s just not time yet, dammit. I am not the most patient person which is why ‘patience, young grasshopper’ makes me angry sometimes. 😉